Being a married couple is very easy but
make your marriage "A long Term Relationship is really very hard". Once the
excitement of the festivities and the romantic honeymoon is over, the real work
of marriage begins. Some useful tips for a successful married life written
below. Some tips are serious, joyful and some can hurt you, but all can help
you remember exactly why you got married in the first place and what it is you
love so much about your mate.
Money is one of the most frequent roots of
marital roughness. If you haven't talked about it before the wedding, talk
about it now. The sooner you establish a spending plan and agree on it, the
more arguments you'll avoid down the line. This tips also help you at the old
stage of life.
Tell your partner how you are feeling, don't
expect that he knows you've had a bad day at work, he can't guess that! Despite
your belief that "he should just know", he doesn't. Let him know if something
is bothering you, don't play games.
Surprise him with a poem. Not about how much
you love him or the stars and the moon, write real things like your first date,
funny moments, holidays you've had together. The fun, warm memories. Surprise
him with a gift basket of his favorite things, favorite music, favorite food,
and favorite breakfast cereal. Doesn't have to be expensive, but let him know
you think of him and consider his needs.
Always be willing to say, "I'm sorry," mean
it. Whether it's something small like not putting the cap on the toothpaste or
something larger, the apology is more important than the incident and will be
remembered far longer.
Never make life decisions unilaterally. Even
if the new car will be used by you, your spouse's input should be listened to
and considered. Set a limit and agree that neither of you will spend over that
amount without seek advice from the other.
Allow yourself a sense of wonder in the little
things and share them. Do you see a beautiful sunset while doing the dishes?
Point it out to your spouse and share that brief moment of beauty.
Talk with your spouse about how the way you
are living your lives helps or takes away from what's important to you both.
Make conscious sacrifices. Let your "partner"
choose the movie, the television show or the restaurant rather than always
wanting to do it. Enjoy his or her pleasure.
Find out as much as you can know about his
parents beforehand. Does his mum like cooking? Is his dad a devotional man or
an artistic person.
Say "thank you" for little things as well as
big things sometimes. He'll be glad about hearing thanks for taking out the
garbage and she'll love a "thank you" for dinner occasionally. We often feel
the most "taken for granted" for doing the daily or weekly things.
Admire your mate's good qualities or something
he or she has done for you to others - but within earshot. Surprises are good.
It can be as small as a note in your spouse's briefcase, an unexpected flower
or making his favorite dessert.
Don't abandon your mate in unknown situations.
At your office party/family reunion, stay close and introduce him/her with some
complimentary information to bolster her self-confidence. Devise a "signal" so
that when you do part, she can let you know if she needs rescuing.
Never discuss important decisions when you're
angry. If the disagreement has reached the point of shouting or angry words,
set a time and date to revive the topic until you've both cooled off.
Listen without trying to solve problems or give advice. Ask your partner how
their day was and listen objectively. Don't tell them how to handle situations
unless they ask for your advice
Either you change or I will leave you. Those are the big
relationship killer! If he smoked before married, don't expect to change that!
If he has always paid his bills a month late he maybe always will. Accept him,
this is harder than it sounds. If you try and change him and succeed, he's not
the same person you fell in love with. If you try and change him and do not
succeed, you are giving him a message that you don't love him unconditionally.
Find one activity you both enjoy, whether it's going to baseball games, golfing
or watching classic movies, and make it a point to do it regularly together. A
shared activity can give rise to many special moments and creates a common bond
for conversation and something to look forward to together.
No you're not, and you're delusional if you keep thinking
that way. Having a healthy relationship is also knowing when you've done
something wrong and being able to face up to it and apologies. Don't take this
a step too far and play the victim role though. Just as you're not always
right, you're not always wrong either. If someone makes you feel bad about
yourself all the time, like you can never do anything right, then think about
your own happiness.
Never, ever bring up past mistakes in an
argument. It only escalates the emotional fighting and distracts both people
from the topic at hand.
Be willing and able to reassure your partner and be
thoughtful of their concerns and worries. If you're going to be late, call and
let them know so that they won't be bothered. It costs you nothing and will
show you are considerate and thinking of them.
Don't spoil your partner's fun just because
you can't join in. If he or she is your partner not necessary that he or she
will also enjoy with you. Let him/ her enjoy their life individually.
We often hear people talking about honesty and
trust qualities as being cornerstones of a healthy relationship. Honesty means
just that - being open and telling the truth to your partner. We're not saying
you have to tell him that yes, you actually despise his best friend - that's
just rude and tactless, but honesty on the big things is crucial. Trust cannot
exist without honesty and sometimes that can mean telling people things they
don't want to hear.
Don't discuss your personal problems with your
family. Although it is tempting to tell your mother just how dreadful your
first fight was. Long after you and your partner have made up and forgotten the
issue, your mother will remember and view your spouse through different eyes.
Don't stop him or her that he bites his nails?
She twiddles her hair? These will be the same habits you'll miss when he or she
is gone, so accept them and forget it.
Try to think of what a best friend means and
be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams,
failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes
and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also
usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse
should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make
at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and
their relationship as negative ones.
If your husband asks you what you want for
your birthday - tell him! Don't expect him to "know" that you'd like to go to
the theater. Tell him you want to go and mention the show you want to see by
name.
If your spouse has complained about his or her
family, respect their confidences and don't use anything said as a weapon
against them in the future.
Also known as future mother-in-law from hell.
She looks down on you because she thinks nothing is good enough for her
precious boy. Of course, the flipside of this is that she subconsciously
realizes that you are good enough, and is afraid of losing her son.
If you have a choice between making yourself
look good and making your spouse look good, choose your spouse!
Don't compare your marriage to past
relationships.
Don't try too hard. You have to accept that
some personalities are just not meant to match and not everyone will love you.
On the positive side, most parents will love you anyway for making their son
happy. So treat them like how you'd want someone you're dating to treat your
parents, and get on with it!
Never forget to introduce your spouse to your friends
whenever they are around., because she is your wife and should always be
treated with respect.
Both spouses should enter the marriage with
the pure intention of pleasing. The marriage itself then becomes an act of
worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. It is also important
to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time,
it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct
path and to obtain the most benefit.
This particular aspect can go a long way in
preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a
constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted
manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also
find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending
time with you because of it.
Believe that you are both doing your best. If
your partner's best for the day is simply getting out of bed, then let them do
their best and don't hassle them. Understand that everyone has their down days,
and if he forgets to take out the rubbish it's not the end of the world.
A successful marriage is not something that just happens; you
have to craft it. It's a result of deliberate and conscience decisions to make
a new way in your relationship.
If you ever get into a fight or argument, do
not carry it to the next day, either one or both say sorry to each other no
matter whose fault it was, within few hours.
Do not try to dominate the other partner
(respect each other) no matter who earns more money. This is important, since
many men coming from Indian background think that they are superior no matter
how much they earn. Similarly women should respect their husbands even, if they
don't work or earn less than them.
Remember how you treat your friends; if they forget to call
you don't get mad at them. If they are late to pick you up, you don't jump down
their throat so do the same for your partner. Hang out with him like you do
with friends, so he doesn't want to go shopping with you, but you can do things
like go to fun parks, mini golf, out for dinner, brunch etc.
Mother In-law: - This bitter woman has spent
the best years of her life raising her children, and they are all a
disappointment to you. She'll bitch about how her no-good husband either left
her, or is so whipped he does nothing but sit around the house reading
newspapers. Well, stand up to her! Nobody should be allowed to talk trash about
your man.not even his mum!
|